I’ve wanted to get out into the countryside for ages, so on Saturday I took myself off to Malham to explore the area round Malham Cove. I’ve been to the cove a couple of times but never any further, so armed with an OS map (just in case) and some quavers I felt ready to have an adventure.

It takes about an hour and a half to get to Malham from Boston Spa, it’s just straight up the A59/A65 and then signposted from Gargrave so pretty easy to find. One thing I like about Malham is that there’s a big car park with loos and a visitor centre and it’s only £4 to park for the day. It was almost empty when I got there at 9.30, but what surprised me was the number of cars parked out on the main road. Do that many people really avoid paying the £4 parking charge…which presumably contributes to the facilities and upkeep that makes Malham a nice place to visit?

Anyway, I went to see the cove first – a really magical place where the stream comes straight out of the base of the cliff and is fed by numerous little springs nearby. I had the whole place to myself so had a bit of quiet reflection. The path isn’t brilliant going up to the cove and at the end it’s easier to walk in the stream (it’s about an inch deep at the edges). This is one of my favourite places in the world.

Coming out I met two older ladies on the last day of their walking holiday. I kind of wished I’d asked their names – they must have been in their 70s but they told me about all the hikes they’d done round and about – one of them climbed Gordale Scar when she was 15, and seemed very impressed that I was out for a solo hike. It made me smile anyway (I hope I’m still hiking at that age) and I left them by the stream while I tackled the climb up to the top of the cove.

It was deserted on the top too – windy, and it started to rain. The limestone pavement is normally good fun for some jumping about but it was super slippery and after almost falling over (and being glad no one saw) I decided to skirt round it. It would be pretty easy to break a leg on that:

The path splits off at the edge of the pavement – you can either go left towards Malham Tarn or straight on towards Gordale. I wasn’t really sure how far the tarn was and since I was relying on my own sense of direction and map-reading skills decided to play it safe and head for Gordale. You walk through a field and eventually come to a road – cross this and the path from here on is surfaced. It’s an easy stroll to Gordale Scar.

You hear Gordale Scar before you see it. There’s a campsite first, next to a wide and shallow stream, and the path goes through this and continues on as hills rise up on either side. At the end of the path there’s a sharp turn which opens out into a natural amphitheatre – way above a flock of birds circled, and the waterfall crashed over some stones at the base of the Scar.

Gordale Scar isn’t just pretty – it’s also a wind tunnel. Apparently you can climb up it, and earlier I’d seen a path that looked like it might go up on top of the cliffs but I’m not quite sure.

Going back through the campsite and out onto the road, Janet’s Foss is signposted almost immediately. There are two paths here, one going up and one going down. I chose the down path as the most likely, and this takes you straight to the bottom of another waterfall. It’s a really enclosed space, with steep hills on either side and trees and mossy stones galore. I couldn’t get a good picture because it was crowded with people and dogs, but Janet’s Foss is prettier (imo) than Gordale Scar. Apparently it was named after Jennet, a fairy queen said to live in a cave behind the falls. It seemed quite apt.

The waterfall is part of Gordale Beck (the same stream as at Gordale Scar) – you follow this through the greenest woods ever away from the falls. There are fallen trees stuffed with coins just like at Malham cove. After a short while the woods end and it’s fields the rest of the way. The path is paved from here – you can see Malham Cove not far away. It’s just a short walk back to Malham village.

I reckon this walk’s about 4 or 5 miles – not long at all but there are plenty of places to dawdle (it took me three hours to get round because I kept stopping to look at things). The main road was packed with cars by early afternoon so if you want a quiet walk it’s best to go early. I’m glad I found all of the places I’d heard about, and next time I’ll have to get up to Malham Tarn. You could easily do them all in one day, at least while the weather’s okay

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This is the Crovel – the spade-thing that I couldn’t find a couple of weeks ago when I was writing my post about the Chinese Military Shovel. I kept googling for things like “zombie shovel” and “zombie weapon” but it didn’t come up – come ON guys, in a Zombie Apocalypse you’d miss out on a huge amount of search traffic and lucrative sales.

Anyway. The Crovel is basically a folding shovel with a serrated edge, a pickaxe/hammer handle. You can’t actually buy the original version any more, but the upgrade seems to be the same, with the addition of a hollow handle for storing stuff in.

I suppose this is geared towards pure zombie killing, and it’s cool in its simplicity, but it just has less survival uses than the Chinese Shovel

You *can* get some fancy new versions and accessories, like a chrome-finish Crovel, or one that comes with a protective cover for the spade section. There’s also a spike attachment for extra bloodshed and spatter, presumably.

Being one of those pesky web people, I have one major criticism about the Crovel – the ecommerce site selling them – gearupcenter.com – is terrible.

Look – that is an actual life-size picture from the website of all the Crovel features >> Can you read it? I can’t, and that’s the blown-up version. It took me about four clicks to get there and I can’t even read what it does. It might have loads of super awesome features that would make it way better than the Chinese Military Shovel but without a magnifying glass we’ll never know.

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When I first watched this video I thought “Urgh, it’s just a shovel. It’s probably not even as good as the Zombie Shovel Pickaxe. I bet they even call it an Entrenching Tool instead of a spade”.

HOW WRONG I WAS. Watch this…all the way through.

Just when you think it can’t possibly be anything else it’s a BOTTLE OPENER!!!

It’s on my Xmas list.

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I haven’t written an Astro roundup for ages, but that doesn’t mean nothing’s been happening. Last month I went to Rufforth Airfield near York to watch the Perseids – it was a cloudy night with a massive count of two(!) shooting stars, but I did get to go up in a glider In case you missed them, this page tells you about all the upcoming meteor showers – there’s no excuse not to get out there with a scarf and a hip flask.

Scientists have discovered the closest bright supernova since 1972. Called PTF 11kly (catchy!) it’s special for a couple of reasons. Firstly because it’s so new – astronomers have been able to pretty much watch the whole event unfold. Secondly, it’s a type 1a supernova, meaning that it’s what scientists refer to as a “standard candle” – it’s light behaves in a known way, and this allows astronomers to measure things like distances really accurately. Handy as a baseline when you’re trying to calculate the expansion of the universe.

I’m a big fan of CERN, especially the whole Higgs Boson search – a particle I learned about in A-Level physics but which doesn’t conclusively exist. Physicists at CERN and the Tevatron (which totally sounds like a transformer) at Fermilab are hoping to find it by the end of the month. If they don’t? Well, say goodbye to the Standard Model.

Finally, the BBC has some truly extraordinary photos from the Astronomy Photographer 2011 awards.

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This is similar to how I imagine me and Owly after the Apocalypse.

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I don’t really know what to take on the three peaks hike tomorrow, except for the obvious like “a hat” and “plasters”. I’m out for probably 10 (optimistic?) hours of walking but I know I won’t want a proper lunch, so this is what I’ve decided on:

• My owl hat
• A map
• Driving directions
• Dog tags (in case there’s a Zombie attack and they recover my body
• Plasters
• Waterproof
• Gloves
• Spare socks
• Two lucozades
• Water bottle
• Two mule bars (which claim to be good for endurance)
• Three nutrigrains
• Opal fruits
• Dried mango
• A mars bar
• iPhone (not pictured. to attempt to track the walk)

It sounds like quite a lot but it’s all packed away into my brand new backpack:

There’s plenty of room for my fleece which I’ll be taking on and off depending on how hot/cold/rainy it is. I’m going to take a change of clothes for afterwards but leave that in the car.

Hope I haven’t forgotten anything!

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Last night I dreamt I climbed a mountain. The path was long and steep and stony, and I was all alone.

When I got to the top there was a cabin, and I wanted nothing more than to sit there and rest for a while.

I went in, but there was already a blanket on the floor. Someone had slept there.

More people came in, and the cabin was the inside of a caravan. I wanted to leave but couldn’t think of a way to go politely.

Then I was walking down a sloping jetty on to a boat, somewhere in China. The boat had a candy-cane awning. There were people in some of the seats, but I was by myself.

The city was a river-city, with huge shining skyscrapers rising out of the water. On the river, enormous sunflowers grew, and the flowers opened as the boat passed.

I kept asking myself if this was a dream, but I couldn’t wake up.

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